By Fyonna Vanderwerf
Wellness Educator | Coach | Human First

Let me say this loud and clear: You are allowed to take up space in the exam room.
In fact, you're supposed to.

But after three decades coaching women through pain, hormone chaos, and chronic fatigue—I've lost count of how many times I’ve heard the same story:

“I brought it up... they brushed me off.”

“I was told it’s anxiety.”

“They said it was normal. I know it’s not.”

" They said it was aging and there's nothing to d."

and my personal favorite from this month of coaching .......

" I don't know what it is, but let's book an exploratory surgery to examine your abdomen to see if we can find anything..." to a 73 year old with a heart condition! YIKES!!!!

That kind of dismissal doesn’t just sting—it erodes trust, delays diagnoses, and robs people of agency over their bodies.

Here's the kicker:

Our system is stacked. Not against you personally—but against listening deeply.

Doctors are on the clock. Fifteen minutes or less. OHIP billing codes. Diagnostic overwhelm. That’s real. But you know what else is real?

Your lived experience. Your symptoms. Your knowing.

So how do we fix the disconnect?

We start here:
With the truth that you belong at the center of your care.
Not as a "compliant patient"... but as a collaborator. A co-leader. A person with a voice.

Let’s get you equipped to walk into that appointment with presence, clarity, and calm power.

Ten Questions to Help You Reclaim Your Power in a Medical Appointment

Not to be confrontational.
Not to “catch” anyone off guard.
But to partner in your care—and refuse to be sidelined in your own story.

Here are ten questions you can bring with you. Keep them in a note on your phone. Print them. Practice saying them out loud.

Because your voice matters, and these questions make space for it.

Questions About Your Experience & Being Heard:

1. “I’ve been tracking my symptoms—can we start with what’s most concerning to me?”
   (This sets the tone: you’ve come prepared, and this is collaborative.)

2. “What do you think might be going on beneath the surface here?”
   (Invites curiosity. You’re not just looking for a prescription—you want a partner.)

3. “If this were your sister or partner experiencing these symptoms, would we be exploring the same next steps?”
   (A compassionate challenge that invites empathy.)

4. “What else could this be if it’s not [what you’ve suggested]?”
   (Keeps the door open for a fuller diagnostic process.)

5. “What should I be tracking between now and our next visit to help you see the full picture?”
   (Signals that you’re engaged and proactive.)

   Questions That Acknowledge Their Reality—and Invite Better Care:

6. “I know time is short today. What’s the most efficient way for me to bring you the information you need?”
   (This respects their pressure while advocating for yourself.)

7. “Are there questions you wish more patients would ask?”
   (You’re signaling trust and openness—it’s an alliance.)

8. “If I feel brushed off or confused in future visits, what’s the best way to bring that up?”
   (You’re laying the groundwork for honest communication.)

Questions That Create Momentum:

9. “Are there any other tests or specialists I should be asking about?”
   (Because referrals often don’t happen unless you bring it up.)

10. “What’s one thing you’d suggest I do today to move toward better answers?”
    (Ends the appointment with clarity and an action step.)

Final Word: You Are Not Too Much

You’re not being dramatic.
You’re not being needy.
You are not “bad at advocating.”
You’re being brave in a system that hasn’t made it easy.

And that, my friend, is power.

So let’s take up space.
Let’s ask better questions.
Let’s make those 15-minute windows count—for real.

If this speaks to you, share it with a friend. Forward it to your doctor. Let’s build a bridge between care providers and the people who count on them—without shame, without silence, and without apology.

and a shout out to my doctor DR. HELEN DEMPSTER from Lakeview Physicians in Huntsville- who embodies all the good listed above.